Title: Puzzle Quest: Galactrix
Genre: Casual, RPG
D3Publisher of America, Inc.
Release Date: 24 Feb, 2009
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This game has practically sucked out my ability to form cohesive sentences with the overwhelming might of its sheer stupidity, so writing anything about it is hard, but I'll try to list some bullet points as to why, after several hours of playing and DESPERATELY trying to make it worth the $0.99 investment, I must warn you that it's just not possible:
- So let's say there's an enemy with a special power that skips 2-3 of your turns. Fun, huh? No big deal though, there's a power up that gets rid of debuffs. Cool. Except that you need to have a turn to use it, and all other status ailments I've encountered are incredibly petty debuffs like slightly decreasing energy collected every turn, making this power, like many, many others, totally worthless.
- The combat system itself is some of the most anger-inducing, pure luck based BS that's ever had the audacity to call itself a "Puzzle". You can have an enemy at 10 health after a half hour of matching blocks around (if it doesn't take that long for ever fight, it sure FEELS like it does, because the only blocks that cause damage are super rare and only about half of the other blocks are kind of helpful at all for either side) and then when they take their turn, mines slide in in a deluge by pure bad luck and one shot you from practically full health. Yeah, there was a lot you could do to prevent that.
- Speaking of combat, there is next to no penalty for losing, and just some piddly experience for winning, which feels downright insulting with how long and frustrating battles are.
- And the fun doesn't end there. Exploring the universe is incredibly slow, due to the fact that the game pauses to save (really, you have to make me wait in what's basically a pretty menu when most modern action games could save while I'm in the middle of an intense throwdown) ALL THE TIME. And the galaxy is huge, much bigger than it needs to be for all the content there is to "enjoy". Why are there missions where I'm flying through a smattering of planets, scanning them one at a time to find out where my objective ISN'T, until I finally get a lucky guess or there's only one place left to look? WHY DO THEY DO THIS MULTIPLE TIMES!? You will feel like the developers are intentionally trying to waste your time because apparently they think a good game is one that takes the most time to complete.
- Despite being a casual game, a surprising amount goes unexplained. I blew up one ship that I salvaged Contraband from, a high-value cargo. Unfortunately, every ship in the system now magically knew that I was a filthy drug-runner, and attacked me. Would have been nice to know that would happen! What would have been even more useful knowledge would be knowing that by fighting back, I would\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665off a huge swath of the galaxy, so that even after unloading the contraband, I get attacked every freaking system I travel into, causing travel between missions to take HOURS, unless you intentionally lose every single battle that comes your way.
- Speaking of missions, these make Skyrim's fetch quests and Draugr hunts look like the works of Shakespeare. Search random planets for thing. Fight thing. Win. Or mine 20 Dragon Dildoes and 10 Mountain Dew Cases. Or, my personal favorite (and there are a LOT of these); go to X, Y, and Z and come back. Yes, half of the side quests are fetch quests where you're not even fetching something. Just go to place and come back. No fight, no minigame, not even any dialogue.
- The music is bad, and it doesn't even flow together well. I swear, the battle music loops once, and then goes back to the AMAZINGLY dull space exploring music for the other 25 minutes of the fight. Absolutely inexcusable.
In short, this game is bad. I wouldn't pay 99 cents for this piece of digital trash. I wouldn't pay ten cents. I wouldn't let the developers pay me to play it, I'm dead \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665ing serious. I wouldn't give this to a poor \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665 child if playing it would make his mom finally love him, it wouldn't be worth it for the poor kid. I wouldn't finish one more mission if every girl from Game of Thrones would be standing naked behind me the moment I did. If this game were around in World War 2, Hitler wouldn't allow Jews to play it because it wouldn't feel morally sound. If Puzzle Quest: Galactrix were a perfectly marbled T-Bone steak, dogs that eat their own feces wouldn't even be able to handle its smell without vomiting. This game's release was one of the final signs of the coming of the End of Times, milennia of madness and horror with no end in sight for the tortured remains of humankind. It's an insult to all things fun, a long, brown, smelly skidmark on the underpants of humanity. It sucks, it blows, it's a piece of \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665ing \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665 garbage from a medical waste dumpster reserved for pus-oozing rotten scrotums and boil-ridden \u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665\u2665s, and I for one do not much care for it.. I loved Puzzle Quest, kinda meh on PQ2, but my god, do I hate this game.
Played for less than an hour and the computer cheats in this game more than in PQ, and I hate the game board, so confusing to try figuring out, and you are given no practice dummy to try making sense of it all.
Seriously cannot recommend this game, go play Puzzle Quest 1 or 2 instead.. I actually really enjoyed the departure from the fantasy setting and the overhaul of the gameplay. Maybe not as polished as the original PQ but still really good in it's own right. I grabbed it at 90% off which made it 99 cents and at that price it is a must buy for anyone that likes PQ or just puzzle games in general. At full price it is a little harder to recommend unless you are a puzzle game junkie, otherwise I would say just wait for a sale to pick this one up.. For a puzzle game, this is suprisingly addictive, after the first hour or so, this get's quite strategical and difficult.
Recommend that you get all the PSI you can, while the hacking and battles are easy. I made the mistake of going for firepower and that is rarely a good thing.
If you do go down the 'RUN AND GUN' method, get better weapons by selling cargo when it is green on the sell menu!
GET IT NAOW. For 99cents you can not go wrong with this game. I have played for 3 hours already today. I know I will play a lot more. 99 cents for all that time playing. And it's fun. It is hard to wrap your head around the unique angles that the swaping takes place on, but that is part of the charm of these games.
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